Seecrets On Search Engines: Joe Nogood Becomes President In Landslide Victory
By Stan Seecrets
This article introduces keywords, relevancy and possible abuses of search engines whimsically. It is an experiment to portray current Internet events and issues (where angels fear to tread) in a lighthearted perhaps entertaining manner. Joe Nogood and JoeNoGood.com are fictional but copyrighted. Below is a conversation between Joe and his longtime buddy, Stan.
[Author’s note: Some may have read portions of this article before – you can proceed to the next section. This author apologizes for his human error.]
Joe runs for Political Office
Joe: Let’s go and visit DMV.
Stan: DMV? You’ve just renewed your driving license last week.
Joe: Not the Department of Motor Vehicles, you dummy. The Drunkards of Mountain View – they’re so fixated on brandy, burgundy, booze stuff (referring to Google’s search algorithms’ names). They are drunk with their own success.
Stan: What name will they use for their next algorithm?
Joe: BS.
Stan: But, BS is an organic matter. What has that got to do with booze?
Joe: Ah, the Danes use plenty of that stuff to make methane gas. By using genetically modified bacteria, you can use this BS stuff to make ethane gas, the precursor of ethanol – pure 200-proof alcohol.
Stan: Why visit these drunkards then?
Joe: All their rankings stuff are BS. Somehow, they managed to convince the whole world and make a lot of money in the process. They may provide a few pointers on how to be President.
Stan: President?
Joe: By using DMV in our pages, DMV is related to roads and being a middle-of-the-road candidate, we’ll occupy all top 100 rankings for all our web pages. Joe I. Nogood is running for President with the slogan "I NoGood".
Stan (thinking to himself): Joe has a way of making the irrelevant, relevant. Just maybe, Joe will make a great President. Maybe.
Joe becomes President-elect
"Bushmen Americans extinct" – screamed a headline. Independent candidate, Joe I. Nogood won the presidential election using the slogan "I, Nogood". Joe swept all the Electoral College votes in an unprecedented result.
The Republican candidate, in his ungracious conceding speech, remarked that Joe is a twin reincarnation of communists, alluding to the president-elect’s name; Josef Ilyanov Nogood (may be referring to Josef Stalin and Vladimir Ilyanov Lenin).
The third candidate was more succinct. The Democrats ignored an obscure warning from an equally obscure article – "An Ant watching Giants Fight". Each time an internet search for certain keywords, the list invariably showed Joe’s campaign sites and his supporters. That is the same for every voter’s concern; Joe’s messages occupied all Top 100 rankings. The search engine is a presidential candidate’s best friend.
Internet experts suspected that a group of hackers, the NoGoodies, hacked the other candidates’ web pages. When a mouse hovered over Joe’s rival’s name, the popup hint flashes "NoGood for President". Imagine the twin effects these invisible tags created.
[To be continued]
Stan Seecrets Postulate: Poets try to capture the essence of the universe with the elegance of words. Mathematicians try to do the same with their formula and numbers. Therefore, mathematicians are calculative poets. (Poking fun at mathematicians, and himself)
